Right.
Except when it’s not.
Like now.
Now, this is the one place I feel understood. The one place I can talk about IEPs and Child Study Teams and Behavior Analysis and PPD-NOS and SPD and no one looks at me like I am crazy.
Well, I don’t actually know if you do; because you live in my computer, which doesn’t have eyes.
Thank God.
Because if I get one more “Woman, you are nuts” look this week, I will give up. I will just lie down, and wait patiently for the Loony Bus to come and get me and take me to the Loony Bin. Do they have wine there? I hope they have wine there.
My son’s Child Study team met this week. I was invited because obviously, as his parent, I know what he needs and responds to better than anyone else {That’s a joke. Anyone who has been invited to a team of Child Development Specialists and School Administrators to discuss their own child can appreciate just how funny that is.}.
{It’s not really funny at all.}.
The power dynamics were immediately obvious. The Special Ed teacher is top dog. Holy Chihuahua. Within 30 seconds of sitting down she told me what the school does not have to provide and then later, that a Behavior Analysis would not be possible until the beginning of the next school year.
Awesome! Let’s get this party started! I wished I hadn’t made a joke about preferring to sit under the table, like my son does; but it was too late.
There was a lot of talk about crap I don’t care about. They seemed very worked up about him not having a bunch of friends. They assured me that “the other kids like him, but he just keeps to himself. At lunch, he just eats lunch“. Freak.
In his weekly Social Skills Group with the social worker, he waits politely until it is his turn to share Good News, but does not engage the others in conversation about their Good News.
Which concerns me greatly, because – wait. No it doesn’t. He is currently obsessed with Greek Gods right now, and unless someone’s Good News involves sacrificing or the Olympics; listening politely until it is his turn to talk about Hera and Zeus is actually pretty impressive.
The kid is good with being alone. The other day, I saw him at recess and he was sitting on a hill by himself. I asked him what he was doing, and he explained that he was waiting for customers. He had opened a Wizard Store; where you could buy things you needed for potions, or get your wand upgraded. I bought the upgrade and he threw in a free Special Power; quite a deal for only two gold pieces (which looked a whole lot like wood chips), I thought.
I did successfully argue for his consequences when he gets in trouble to be something other than loss of recess. I don’t agree with it for any kid; (actually, neither does the school board, which I pointed out to the Child Study Team and even provided a copy of their board policy. No one was impressed. No one.) but I wasn’t there for any kid. I was there for my kid, who has a Sensory Processing Disorder, and losing recess is just about the worst possible idea for everyone involved.
They are worried about his lack of social skills wrecking his self esteem. I am worried about them wrecking his self esteem; so at least we were able to find some common ground.
I will be back with a tasty chicken dish tomorrow. I have been relying heavily on Meijer Organic Frozen Pizza this week and I’m afraid I don’t have much in the way of kitchen experiences to share with you. Except that Meijer Organic Frozen Pizza, really, is not bad at all.
I am having these exact same problems with my son. He’s in Kindergarten and we’ve been through every “testing” they have to offer and he flies through all of it. SPD has been mentioned along with a host of other things though. I’ve started looking into the link between his behavior and diet and your blog is wonderful and been a big help. Thank you!
Don’t give up! They want you to. It would make their job so much easier! You are a rock in their shoe. Your son is lucky to have such a great Mom!
Keep talking, keep pushing. My son’s preschool team got it right away, but we had to sit down with his kindergarten crew and explain all the sensory stuff that they had just never seen before. I brought in books and a whole powerpoint presentation. Still, took until this month to really sort out what he needed.
We also argued (successfully now) that recess should never be taken away, but extra recess should be an incentive. Again, took until now but they get it.
I put most of my powerpoint presentation on the SPD Blogger Network site at http://www.spdbloggernetwork.com/2011/11/01/believe-in-yourself/ Feel free to use whatever part of it you need if it will help them understand him better.
akbutler recently posted..Take Me Out To The Ball Game
Homeschool. I had to eventually go that route when it became apparent that the school had NO interest in helping my girls. It’s been the best decision ever because, honestly, they just don’t care. I mean, really, sit and think about it. Do they really CARE about your boy as HIM or is it more of what THEY think he should be doing or what is easier for THEM? It was all about THEM in our school and I refused to let my girls fall to the side.
Best of luck. Stick to your guns! {And, as far as I understand it, they have 30 days from the time you request a test to actually give it. Look into it. It might be BULL that they’re telling you the BA won’t be until next year. Also, feel free to get a referral from your Ped and take him to a private Dr. We do ALL our testing, evals, and therapies privately.}
Carry on Mommy Solider!
Thanks you for leading me here, where there is such great writing and I understand you completely. Also these recipes and dye-free ides…I love this. I want to keep in touch. I do not think you are crazy! You are not alone is what you are. Perhaps we are all crazy but at least we are crazy together!!!
I empathize with your struggles to obtain the best possible public education for your child. You & he are absolutely entitled to it, as is every other child in America! Unfortunately, what you are entitled to, as you have discovered, is many times not easily obtained. I so wish that the professionals in the meeting you describe, could be sitting in your skin (not just your shoes…the whole skin). Perhaps, they would present options differently. So, so negative to start by explaining what the education system does not have to do.
I am not a teacher (unhappily medically retired nurse), but my husband is still gratified to be teaching 8th grade after 34 years. He has related many frustrations with finding the right solutions for a specific child’s learning needs. Due to limited resources & the limitations of individual teachers, sometimes there is little they can do. Some teachers in this area seem to me to be overwhelmed on many levels with the needs & demands placed upon them. I think that some want to do more, but there are not enough resources & frequently absolutely no parental involvement at all, some never even show up. Your son is indeed blessed to have you & he will succeed, due to your efforts. Please never give up or give in. Because you are not alone as there are teachers, Iike my husband, who do care & always will. Please continue & you will find allies that will champion for your child. You & all other parents have my deepest empathy, I so wish that this were not so difficult.
I want to relate my experience of 34 years ago as the mother of a 1st grader. I knew that my son was very, very intelligent but did not learn to read at all in kindergarten. However, I noticed that he could read perfectly if he was facing the backwards letters on the back side of a glass door. I told his teacher this within the 1st 2 weeks of school. She told me not to worry, that he was very smart & he would be fine. In about 2 months she called & said that I was right. She immediately obtained a special reading instructor who worked with him individually 3 days a week. In less than a month he was reading! I thanked her & his teacher profusely because I knew what a miracle had just occurred. The reading teacher was very humble & embarrassed by my gratitude, she said that she was not doing anything special, just her job! My son is now 39 & a very successful attorney. I hope that you & all other parents & children have the experience that I had. So, never stop trying…
Found your site from Kelly the Kitchen Kop. I grew up watching my mom fight the school tooth and nail for my younger brother. She said the day that kid graduated high school was one of the happiest days in her life.
Like Allyson above said, “Carry on Mommy Soldier!”
6 kids, 4 i.e.p.s… yes, I remember those…
Absolutely horrifying.
Then again, I’m still not sure what was worse – the i.e.p. for myself and the child, or the child and I to the staff. lol
Thank Yahweh THAT’s over with.
Prayers for you. Chin up. It’ll all be over far to soon.
My daughter has been in special ed since 1st. grade. She is currently at her college graduation rehearsal preparing to receive her 2 year Associate’s degree. It took her 6 years to get it but many said she could never complete it and discouraged her from even trying, afraid she would be crushed by a failure. We were fortunate, for although I had to be a strong advocate for her and involved always, we were blessed with teachers and staff that truly made her education special. The IEP’s were carefully and thoughtfully prepared and were closely adhered to. My input was always searched out and included. The guidelines were respected if I ever had to refer to them. Eventually, my daughter learned to advocate for herself and that ownership of her challenges did much to strengthen her. She has been bullied unmercifully but is so proud now of what she has achieved and is committed to finding work with the disabled. I offer this as hope to all who are so discouraged when the system and those running it respond so coldly or hurtfully. IEP’s have changed in the last few years and have become way too cumbersome, to parents and to those preparing them. That is one area we need to lobby and speak up for to bring about an improved form. Our burden as parents is exhausting as we vacillate between keeping our children afloat and protecting them. God has been ever faithful and our prayers, many tearful or shouted, have sustained us.
I really wanted to comment to let you know that I was reading and I will really try to keep the student and the parents’ concerns in mind when I (hopefully) begin teaching special ed in the fall. I just finished student teaching and got to be a part of several meetings (IEPs and child study). I can honestly say that children who have someone in their lives who cares and will stand up for them can make all of the difference. Don’t give up. I realize that it is terribly difficult to comment on the situation since I don’t know you (yet) or you child/school. However, I wanted to let you know that I believe you are doing the best thing you can do, being an advocate for your child.
Lindsay @ Laughing Lindsay recently posted..Lets Be Honest with Purex
Lindsay, thank you so much for your encouragement!!